The Cold Approach

I have a reputation among my friends when it comes to approaching women. For some reason, they believe that things will always go my way. Even after witnessing me crash and burn. Why the faith? Well, I have asked myself the same question. After all, I don’t see myself as some pickup guru. I certainly don’t have any ambition of becoming one. I’m more concerned with meeting someone with whom I’ll have an awesome relationship. And by awesome, I mean eclipse my previous ones. Because I think I still have strong and not well resolved feelings for my ex, despite knowing in my head that we should never be (again).

So, why the reputation? Well, I think I know the answer. Tonight I was out with a friend. At some point, I saw her. Not just an attractive woman, but one that for some reason really resonated with me. But I was eating. . .and it is rude to talk with your mouth full. So I waited. And when I was about done, we were distracted by two other women who decided to chat with us. And then she was gone! I looked around, and around, hoping against hope that she hadn’t left, and in the corner of my eye, there she was, at the other end of the bar. So, I told my friend to guard the rest of my food (waiting on take home boxes) and I went to go chat with her and her friend.

And we clicked. She challenged me, making me work for every piece of information. But it was fun. I liked her, and I think she clearly liked me. Her friend certainly did – liked me as a person and approved of me chatting up her friend. Even made not so subtle hints that we should exchange digits (we had). But there were a couple things that she said, which really drove home to me why I have the reputation that I have. And it ties directly into the David Deangelo method/whatever that he promotes to men when it comes to approaching women, being cocky/funny.

Yes, I made her smile and laugh. But she made a statement – “You are not humble are you?”. I know, it reads like a question, but it really was a rethorical statement. And honestly, I’m one of the humblest persons in existence. But when it comes to women that I really connect with, I’m not humble or shy or any of the non-gregarious traits that I usually display, at all. And that is what they (my friends and my dates) pick up. While some of my friends have been single and requested my advice or wingmanship over the years, I can’t really claim to have that much experience when it comes to truly defining what leads to success. But if there is ever something that works – it definitely should be talking to a woman with whom your entire interaction is fun, interesting, and totally unforced. I think this gets lost because (and I assume here, but I’m likely pretty correct) that we men are attracted to a wide variety of women. Physical attraction comes first for us and while there are subconscious cues that can help us determine which of all the pretty women we’re actually most compatible with, mot of us are blind to those signals. And so a lot of advice is geared towards enabling men to respond in all situations, rather than focusing our abilities in narrowing down women to talk to.

So, all this said, we’ll see how things progress. I realized this a few days ago – since my breakup until now (and by now, I mean in the last two weeks), this is the first time that I’ve been truly happy and optimistic about my chances of finding a partner with whom I’ll have a relationship that will be better than my last. I think crossing this threshold is part of why I suddenly seem to be meeting and interacting with a rash of very interesting and attractive women.

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