Let the Sunshine In

So, after being sick for most of last week and having my second thesis proposal exam coming up, I was very stressed out this weekend. I’d anticipated being able to work on my proposal document for most of last week, but being sick robbed me of any energy or motivation to do work. That and my general worry about the whole thing led to my nearly having a panic attack.

I’ve had a few of those over the years. They are different from being in a state of abject depression. In that state, you are aware of how you feel. Pessimistic and down sure, but life still goes on, you just don’t want to actually do anything. In a panic attack, you are frozen. Unable to actually think or process new data. Tasks you were able to do become impossible. Problems you could solve or begin to solve seem meaningless. Unfortunately, while I’ve been able to eventually motivate myself to work through depression, there is no working through a panic attack. At best, you eventually figure out that you’re having one, and not just stupid – which depressed you will accept as fact, and then start taking action to exit the attack.

Anyway, so after a grueling weekend of work, I’ve found that I’ve made pretty good progress. Coupled with a meeting today with my adviser where we not only ironed out some of the final details and strategy for my proposal exam, but actually cracked an issue that I’d been trying to solve three weeks ago with my research and things are looking much brighter indeed.

Though one upside of being sick – I got down to 202.8lbs over the weekend. Perhaps I’ll make 200lbs by the end of the month.


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