The Social Circle Gateway

Yesterday I went out to a few bars with a friend of mine. She and I hang out once or twice a month. It is mostly a platonic relationship. Now, I know that there are no such things as platonic relationships between two people who are both single – either you both want each other or one does while the other doesn’t – and my advice and what I typically do in those situations is to exit them. There is no point in being friends with that kind of thing in the background – one person is always not getting what they want and most people have enough other friends that you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone on different terms (yes, normal friendship is a relationship too).

But there are times when you can forgo that rule – namely when said person can be a very effective wing-person, you have managed to move on to the point where 95% of the time you can treat them as just friends, and/or they are gateways to a larger social circle. In the case of a attractive female friend – she is a gateway to more attractive women. (Because as we all know, women tend to be friends with women of similar attractiveness. Anyone far off the scale tends to get excised from the group. If you are much less attractive than the group average, you tend to stop hanging out with them because the guys either ignore you in the group or placate you with someone who is “taking one for the team”. If you are much more attractive than the group average – you tend to get the most attention leaving the rest of the group wondering why they even bothered getting ready to go out.)

Anyway, so I’ve been hanging out with attractive female friend (let’s call her Julie) and a few of her friends off and on. Last night, we happened to run into another friend, we’ll call her Lucey, whom I ended up spending more time this night. I can’t remember how the conversation originally began, but earlier in the evening Julie and I happened to be talking about Lucey – ah, I remember – we were discussing when we’re next going salsa dancing and Julie mentioned that Lucey wanted to come along – and I asked if Lucey was still dating some guy that we’d met a month or so ago. The answer was no, Lucey is now single.

One thing that made things different is that typically when out with Julie, people tend to assume that we’re together. Which sometimes makes chatting up her friends a bit more difficult. I tend to have a laid back approach, friendly with everyone (relatively speaking) and only make a move when I see mutual interest. But assuming that a guy is with someone else tends to turn off the possible interest showing for some. Anyway, an interesting night was had by all. And now I play the waiting game. I’ll call her tomorrow evening. Lucey is definitely not a girl one casually texts before having engaged her over the phone a few times. In fact, the best way to handle it is to follow her lead, don’t text her until she texts you. More on the negotiation of pre-dating etiquette here:


One Response to The Social Circle Gateway

  1. Well stated and with wonderful timing

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