August 31, 2011 Leave a comment
So, due to some miscommunication, partially fueled by a wine drinking fest on Saturday, my bar trivia date tonight turned into a threesome. Myself, a friend, and the date, who I know through the friend. Still, we all had a lot of fun and I may have started a new Tuesday night tradition for us – which if it continues will likely grow to include more of our group of friends. As for my date, the more I get to know her, the more I like her, beyond the requisite physical attraction. Still, I’ve been playing this carefully, given that she’s a person that’s in my social circle.
If I were more callous, this wouldn’t matter. But given that I’m invested in the friends that I do have – I’m a person of few good friends – I feel a need to be more careful about how things transpire. But that in itself causes problems. This extra caution imparts more impact to things that happen between us. And makes it harder to read some of our interactions. One must always deal with deciphering responses, or lack of one, or delays in one in normal situations. But now, I must wonder whether some is influenced by out mutual relationships with others. Between tonight and this weekend, I’ve managed to figure out most of the conversations about me that have been had between my date and my friend but I still feel a bit behind in terms of controlling the flow of information.
What usually goes on is that I start seeing someone new, sometimes my friends will know that I’m seeing someone and may be told a bit about her, but not that much. And if things progress beyond a few dates, then she’s invited to join us on some occasion where everyone gets to meet. Here, this process is short circuited. We don’t have the luxury of getting to know each other without contamination, innocent, relevant or not, by our friends. There isn’t this sense that I’m exploring something on my own. Instead one feels that there could be outside eyes looking in at some point.
Some would argue that one should always date someone and behave in such a manner so that you’d be happy with others knowing most of what was going on. But I think that when it comes to romantic relationships, there is very much a lot of it that is separate, that should only exist between the two of you. And regardless of how close you are to other people, the presence of outside observers alters things. There apparently is a Heisenberg uncertainty principle for relationships.
So aside from this complication, she’s not exactly my usual type. She shares some characteristics, but not others. However, I have met and may be getting to know someone who is pretty much my type, in almost every way – she’s a couple inches shorter than experience says my type should be, though half of my girlfriends have not been my type and have been that height, so again, I must take this who type thing with a few grains of salt. And further adding to all this is I’m having coffee or something with my ex who can pretty much serve as the archetype of my type.
Though I do understand why we should not get back together in any way, I’m still conflicted about whether I should remain friendly or excise her altogether. In some ways, I feel that I should be friends, since I’m friends with another ex – so it would not be consistent with the way that I’ve treated others in my life to deliberately not interact with her. But on the other hand she was my best and most fulfilling relationship as well as the most chaotic and past experience lets me know that I’m not always capable of following my head when it comes to dealing with situations with her. Though I could be exaggerating in my mind what our whole interaction would be about, my intuition, and that of my friend seem to indicate that this will be something more than just catching up on the past few months.