Fun, Work, and the Meaning of it All

Yesterday I weighed in at 209.6lbs. Today, 209.2. That’s still up from my low at the beginning of this week and kind of disappointing. I was expecting bigger losses this week and instead I’m going too end up in the same place. I wonder if it’s sure to my exercise level. I’ve not really done any this week.

I’m driving today to an arts festival for hours away to hang out with this girl I met a month ago. For some reason, things have not aligned to let us spend time together. I actually decided to stop texting and chatting with her after what happened last Friday. I felt if she liked me enough, she would find a way to make it work out and try to set up an alternative. Then to my surprise, a couple days later, she does exactly that. So, I figure she deserves this chance.

Yesterday though, using that sense that tells them when men are happy, my ex called me to “apologize” for accidentally dialing my phone last night – had no idea how it happened. Apparently she has deleted my number from her phone and only knew it was mine by cross checking with her handwritten records. Given the last time she accidentally called me and panicked when she realized who was on the other end, I called an internal bullshit.

Anyway, she took the opportunity to chat, then let me know she’ll be coming to town in a couple weeks for a friends wedding and maybe we could grab coffee and chat. I agreed to it. Perhaps it will be good for me. I still have feelings for her and everytime they come up quickly remind myself that things will never work between us. Too many bridges have been burned down. Earth salted, and mines set for good measure between us.

I’m getting to a point where I can finally redo my thesis proposal. Which is good, because everyone is write concerned about when I’ll be done and what I plan on doing. My ex ex girlfriend’s (with whom I’m still friends) mother yet harbors hopes that we will get back together and I will stay here forever. Right now I’m just gently letting her down. I’m not sure how a detailed explanation of why her daughter and I only work as friend would help. If anything, giving her the gregarious may end up making everything worse. In a way, it was like I broke up with her too.


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